Dating 101

Both Pastor Stephen Brown and First Lady NeShante Brown taught on Dating 101.

When it comes to dating your mind needs to be renewed.

Romans 12:2


² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

The problem with dating is that it is not in the  bible. There were arranged marriages. Courtship was time spent until the marriage/wedding day comes. A woman's virginity was paid for. A white sheet was taken and examined for blood. If no blood the woman was stoned and the man got his refund. In those days people were put together and worked it out.

10 Rules for Dating:

1. There must be an attraction.
   a) Physical -Is this a person you can kiss? Do you want your child to look like him or her?
   b)Spiritually - If you and the person you are from two different denominations it may not work. For
       instance if you speak in tongues but the person you date is from a denomination that does not believe in
      speaking in tongues there could be some problems.
  c)Mentally and Socially - Can you have a conversation with the person?


NeShante Brown - Beware of the decoy. The same list you have the devil has seen it and will send a decoy. Don't let the decoy distract your purpose and destiny.

If he looks good but something just isn't right that is a red flag.

2. Person must prove their love for Christ.

1 Cor 13:4-8


⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

Is the person kind? Is he or she envious of you? (You have your Masters but s/he has only their GED, your parents are still together, etc). Do they boast about themselves all the time? Are they humble or rude?

NeShante Brown - Watch how the other person treats their family members. Also does she cook?

Does he get angry easily. Watch when he or she play board games. If they cheat in scrabble they will probably cheat on you. Do something competitive to see if he or she gets angry. Is your past thrown in your face? If it is thrown in your face now it will be done during the duration of the relationship. Does the person lie or do you always catch them in a lie? Then run! Do you trust the person. Can the person protect your heart?

3. Can the person handle your past?

1 John 1:9


⁹ If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

How many people have you been with? Can the other person handle it? Either talk about it or decide now that it doesn't matter. Someone from his or her past may approach you and say that he or she was with your significant other.

NeShante Brown - It's not just the sexual history past to consider but the financial past. Look at their credit score and what's in the bank account. Dating is the interview process.


NeShante Brown was a breath of fresh air to Pastor Brown. She didn't say anything to him. He was interested in her.

NeShante Brown - Knowing when to talk is key. Quietness does not mean you are week. It means you are smart. It's about being selective about what to say.

Stop thinking you want someone in ministry because it is hard. Don't go just after the power.


4. Pace yourself.

Don't be so quick to get married. Listen to your family about the person you are dating. If no one can tell you anything then you are in trouble. Sometimes it is not about someone being jealous. Other people can see things.

5. You have to fast and pray.

Things may be going well but seek God. God needs to show you the person.

John 10:27

²⁷ My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.

We can be blinded by love.

NeShante Brown - This is very important. Take the time to talk and ask about his or her family like, etc. Choose carefully where you go so you guys can talk.

Ladies be sure you can trust the man around your daughter and men make sure you can trust the woman around your son. Watch how your children are being treated by him or her.

7. CHOOSE NOT TO TOUCH.

Make up in your mind not to do anything sexually. Set up safeguards to keep you out of fornication. There has to be an agreement between the two of you.  There does not need to be a test drive.

1 Cor 14:40


⁴⁰ Let all things be done decently and in order.

NeShante Brown - It's not easy being a virgin. It's a choice. Read Passion and Purity and I've Kissed Dating Goodbye. We have feelings, too. The feelings need to be harnessed. Read the word and books. Mrs. Brown was a virgin when she married Pastor Brown.

8. Meet in a safe setting.



Ladies don't snitch on the guy because you found out that he didn't care. You are not right either. Things were good while you were sleeping with him.

NeShante Brown - The pastor is not excusing dogs.

There are two types of dogs. A mutt goes after everything. A trained dog may like what he sees but he listen to the Master when He says she is off limits. Men: you have the control. Don't come in church sleeping with other people. If you are going to sleep with someone then go elsewhere. Ladies: don't put pressure on the men.

NeShante Brown - We women know what is going to catch the men's attention. Men shouldn't break their necks to look at a woman. Be mindful of the glance. It shouldn't be obvious that you are glancing at another woman. You don't want the the other woman to have the satisfaction that she is being looked at.

9. Counseling

When it's of God it wont' take long for things to heat up. When it was time to get married the pastor didn't wast time. You should date with a purpose. Men: watch the ladies and see how she interacts with other people, how she responds to what the pastor says. Be careful of dating around.

NeShante Brown - She noticed how pastor interacted with his family especially his mom and sister. She noticed how he was in school and had a job, had a vision.

Talk to other couples. Watch the signs. People will be with you when you are connected and it can be seen. Don't check a person in public. Don't ever say anything about a woman's weight.


10. Go to church together.

You don't have to be at the same church. You have to agree on the same beliefs. Bring your date to your pastor for him to check him or her out.

NeShante Brown - Beware if you don't want counseling of your pastor. That's a red flag.